I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
