you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
