I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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