I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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