Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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