it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
