respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
