Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
