She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
