alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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