i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
