I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
