just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
