So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
