his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
