If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
