Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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