is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
