yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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