Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
