Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
