I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
