And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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