Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
