Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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