he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
