oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
