i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
