i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
