Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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