before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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