we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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