I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
