Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
