people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
