Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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