haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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