Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
