I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
