Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
