i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
