just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
