yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
