she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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