I bet he comes in French.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
