Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
BRING THE BAGELS
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
