my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
