chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
