Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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