too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
