Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
