I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
