fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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