you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
