Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
