you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
