Everything about him screamed your future.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
