Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
