Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
