its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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