hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
