I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
