I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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