how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
