considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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