my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
