They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
