I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
