I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
